Farewell my brother in arms

You left a space in my heart that I do not want to fill in. Its like I want the pain that’s there to remind me of you. Isn’t it bizarre? That to honor your beauty as a friend I want to torture my self on the inside. It feels more real that way – more worthy.

I bet you are laughing at us right now. You are looking down at us fools crying in vain, feeling pleasure in our pain. You know it does no good.

We have had friends die many times before. Many young friends have passed and sometimes we would say that maybe its us next. But we never really dared to dwell in those thoughts, they where all to frightening. I think we both thought I would leave first. And I did, but then I came back. You where there for me all the time. With your actions you showed me what a real friend is. I’m sorry you didn’t give me the chance to return the favor. But in the end, that’s detail among brothers in arms.

You used to say that if you would die, you would not want people to stop doing what they love, you wouldn’t want them to torture themselves in despair. You said you want them to live their lives – do what they love.

So I will cry and get the poison of grief out of my system. Then I will remember you with a smile. I will think of all the beauty that you have brought to so many peoples lives. I will remember you and respect you for following your passion to the end. One of your good friends said, when I talked to him on Skype, that: in one way you chose the perfect way to die, doing what you love.

I will respect you for that, but I will love you for all that love you spread around you, all the strength you gave to those who where in need.

I know it’s not a bad place there, where you are. I bet you are enjoying the new adventures. But still, I’m sad that we can’t have our share of you in this lifetime. I know, there is more to come, but in my weak moments – I believe this world to be real.

I will miss the adventures that we had planned to share and the friendship felt between us among the mountains and around the fire. I will miss the dinners at yours, with great food, friends, wine and music. I will miss the small projects you always seemed to have and the positive twist you glues to everyday life. But everything seems to have an end, also this.

You died young buddy. And you left many things behind. I think of your closest family, your wonderful girl and friends. But we both know that time is only what we think it is, and a short period can contain more life beauty and quality than a long one. And in retrospect, maybe it was even worth more because it ended so abruptly.

You lived a great life and you where a free soul. You have seen more of the world than most people I have heard of and you have always lived what you have thought to be true. That is a life with heart.

You have been one of my best friends, and I feel nothing but love for you. I even get a smile on my lips when I think of you. You are having a twinkle in your eyes and you are setting of, free, to new adventures, more love, more truth.

Thank you for this time, my beloved… brother in arms… 

A quick interview on Outsideonline.se

Here is a quick interview with me that popped up on outsideonline.se (Swedish only).

Hay una lenguaje que nadie puede hablar

There exist a language that no one can speak. It exists in the construct between us humans and the world. It binds us together and shows us the way in every intersection of our path.  On every crossroad in life we will have to make a choice where to go while time is pushing us from behind. The beast of reality is breathing us in the neck and even to not make a choice is a choice made.

Don Juan, the old master of life, would say that all the paths are leading to the same place and that choosing the one with heart is making all the difference. I say he is right and that all of us, at some point, will have to sit down and relearn this language.

It’s easy to intellectualize everything we do and reason back and forth with words. But the foundation of every argument will be wrong from the start, as the signpost pointing at the thing is not the thing itself. Words and thoughts can never be substitutes to anything important.

They can definitely sort out practicalities in everyday life, but they cannot show us who we really are, nor can they communicate anything new to our life experience.  They cannot show us real happiness, peace, love or any of the experimental adventures streaming out in the reality we call life. At the most they can subjectively communicate a reality that we have already experienced with others with similar experience. But they have a really hard time expanding our consciousness. They cannot teach us anything new, anything that we have not yet lived, and for all of us that think a lot; in the end old thoughts and words are the only things we have left to think about.

While being and sensing this world we might not be able to put everything in to words (life is all to complex to be taken down to a linear reality) but we will be capable of listen to what our heart have to say of every bump and turn in the road.

We, then, get to connect with everything that is bringing meaning to life. We see things for what they really are and it will be easy to know the choices to be made, even though it make take mountains of courage to carry them out.

Life teaches me that I have to move away from reason to find what’s bringing real importance and joy. Life has thought me that at the end of every argument there is always a but, always a division.

The mountains have thought me that statistics doesn’t count – it’s our own doing that is creating its own effects. They have also thought me that my “gut feeling” is my strongest connection to reality.

I believe it’s the gut feeling that Don Juan is talking about. The gut feeling that everyone living in the mountains have to learn to trust. I believe we can take this same feeling and use it in everyday life. The mountains are there to form us to the better and I think this is one of their greatest gifts to us.

The hard thing though is that there is often a conflict between our gut feeling, our reason and our ego. Material and personal ego winnings often comes in conflict with our feelings of right and wrong, good or bad. We can always reason ourselves to salvation, in whatever situation we encounter - although deep down we know we are simply fooling ourselves.

The language that no one can speak is there at the base of the conflict vs. peace in life. Different people might put it in to different words, but it is still ruling our existence as the construct of the whole.

I want to remind myself that there are some very important things that are ruling our existence. These things can’t be thought, reasoned, spelled, said nor argued about. Still, they rule our lives – whether it’s in the mountains, in our everyday lives or elsewhere.  

A wonderful week

The last week has been kind of crazy. After only a few days in Chamonix I went on a quick tour around the world. Chamonix – Geneva – London – Miami – Santiago – Lima – New York – Zurich – Geneva and back again to Chamonix. It’s been extremely overwhelming in many ways and now the travelling will just continue. Next is a weekend in Geneva before I go to Champoluc in Italy to work with Swedish ski instructors for three days. 

A familliar mountain, isn't it?  

Times Square, NYC

Aiguille du Midi – A quick morning lap down the Ronde

Yesterday I got a quick morning lap with Bjarne on Glacier Ronde. It was my favorite conditions with transformed snow and no people. The cold and stable weather have changed the snow back to old pow, and not many people seem to realize how good skiing it is. Although, heads up when we get some new snow on all this surface hoar – it can become really rock n roll with fresh snow on top. I tried my new Salomon Rocker2 with the Guardian binding as well, and I was super impressed how good and easy they where to ski. Afterwards I spent the rest of yesterday and today in Annecy at Salomon to sort out my boots for the season. I can’t wait to get out there again…

Unfortunately I have to leave the valley for a week, but ill be back beginning of February! 

The north face of Aiguille du Midi

Glacier Ronde with the Salomon Rocker2... 

Bjarne enjoying some chalky snow

And powder lower down

The exit couloir 

Myself skiing some transformed pow

And again

Claude at Salomon used to fit Stenmark's boots...

And here they are... 

Back in Chamonix – Skiing on the southern slopes of Mt Blanc

Yesterday morning I got back to Chamonix, and went straight to Helbronner together with Max. We had a great day of skiing with perfect timing. First we went up Tour Ronde and dropped down on the south face towards the Brenva glacier and hit the left finish just when it was starting to get to warm. Then we enjoyed a pizza before we skied one of the couloirs under the top lift and on our last run skied Marbree in the sunset. Days like this are definitely what skiing around Chamonix is for me – great quality skiing in a high mountain environment with a good friend! 

La Tour Ronde

Max Turgeon cruising  

Max on the top with Mt Blanc in the back ground

Guillaume catching up with his client

Max skiing

Looking back at Brenva and the skiers left exit

Max in one of the cooers under the lift

On our way to Marbree

Skiing back to La Palud after a good day out...