You left a space in my heart that I do not want to fill in. Its like I want the pain that’s there to remind me of you. Isn’t it bizarre? That to honor your beauty as a friend I want to torture my self on the inside. It feels more real that way – more worthy.
I bet you are laughing at us right now. You are looking down at us fools crying in vain, feeling pleasure in our pain. You know it does no good.
We have had friends die many times before. Many young friends have passed and sometimes we would say that maybe its us next. But we never really dared to dwell in those thoughts, they where all to frightening. I think we both thought I would leave first. And I did, but then I came back. You where there for me all the time. With your actions you showed me what a real friend is. I’m sorry you didn’t give me the chance to return the favor. But in the end, that’s detail among brothers in arms.
You used to say that if you would die, you would not want people to stop doing what they love, you wouldn’t want them to torture themselves in despair. You said you want them to live their lives – do what they love.
So I will cry and get the poison of grief out of my system. Then I will remember you with a smile. I will think of all the beauty that you have brought to so many peoples lives. I will remember you and respect you for following your passion to the end. One of your good friends said, when I talked to him on Skype, that: in one way you chose the perfect way to die, doing what you love.
I will respect you for that, but I will love you for all that love you spread around you, all the strength you gave to those who where in need.
I know it’s not a bad place there, where you are. I bet you are enjoying the new adventures. But still, I’m sad that we can’t have our share of you in this lifetime. I know, there is more to come, but in my weak moments – I believe this world to be real.
I will miss the adventures that we had planned to share and the friendship felt between us among the mountains and around the fire. I will miss the dinners at yours, with great food, friends, wine and music. I will miss the small projects you always seemed to have and the positive twist you glues to everyday life. But everything seems to have an end, also this.
You died young buddy. And you left many things behind. I think of your closest family, your wonderful girl and friends. But we both know that time is only what we think it is, and a short period can contain more life beauty and quality than a long one. And in retrospect, maybe it was even worth more because it ended so abruptly.
You lived a great life and you where a free soul. You have seen more of the world than most people I have heard of and you have always lived what you have thought to be true. That is a life with heart.
You have been one of my best friends, and I feel nothing but love for you. I even get a smile on my lips when I think of you. You are having a twinkle in your eyes and you are setting of, free, to new adventures, more love, more truth.
Thank you for this time, my beloved… brother in arms…